Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
