So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
