Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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