I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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