is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
