Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
