I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
