8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
