Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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