this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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