i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dont even know how to be here
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
