Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well you can't waste a boner
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I checked into jail on foursquare
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
