theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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