my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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