i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so let's talk penis.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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