Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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