Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
