i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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