I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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