i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
