The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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