I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
