I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
