I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
