He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
