Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
