That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
