who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
