everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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