Everything about him screamed your future.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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