this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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