Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
