ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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