Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
