Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this will be a night to untag.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
