She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
