so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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