LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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