Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
