I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Need sex. Gaining weight.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
