i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
not ubering you a puppy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
