McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
