let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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