i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
