I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
