Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
