I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
