you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
