I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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