Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
