Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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