He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
