I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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