He asked to "fluff my boner.."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
