Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
