That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
