mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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