every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think i have two assholes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
