the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
