No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm passing your future prison.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
