I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
