oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
