I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
