Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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