i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
